A Mother’s Pride and Tears and Mid-life Crisis

I understand the mid-life thing. I’ve been joking with people. When they ask me what my plans are for next year, when Katie is off at college and Rahel has gone home, I say, “I’m thinking about a nasty divorce and a mental breakdown.” Of course, I’m just kidding. But I understand the depth of emotions that flood a person at this stage of life.

The high school graduation is really a symbolic moment for me. I remember having a strong sensation, when Katie was a baby, that she was really God’s baby; he was just entrusting her to my care (and Dwayne’s of course). Now my prayers have been almost like a handing back … a sending … a letting go. I know, she’s not mine. She’s God’s and entrusted into her own care now.

Of course, I’m not stepping out of her life; but moving to a more supporting role in the drama of her life .. and that’s the way it’s best.

What will I do? … I’ll cry, I’ll be filled with pride, I’ll worry, and I’ll write a book; I’ll throw myself into my work, and Dwayne and I will take a relaxing vacation. We’ll make new friends, renew our marriage, and live some more of the best years of our lives. This week … though … I’m crying. As we prepare for a graduation party … I am filled with pride and tears.