I’m delighted and fascinated by the huge shifts in support of Gay Marriage. 58% of Americans now favor marriage equality. The shift to over 50% wasn’t that long ago … and in 1988 only 13% approved! That is a huge shift in a relatively short period of time. NPR reports that this kind of change is not due to generational shifts; that is, those against Gay marriage didn’t all get old and die. Demographics in population cannot explain this much of a change in a relatively short span of time. The truth is that people actually changed their minds. That’s what I find fascinating. We changed our minds. At a time when we are so polarized on political issues and it seems as if there’s no negotiation, when we define ourselves as pro-this or anti-that, when our Facebook statuses and shares are more about telling our friends what we think and supporting our stance than it is about discussion and dialogue … we changed our minds! Wow!
I hesitate to use the inclusive “we” here, though … because … I’m one of the 1988 13%. I didn’t change my mind. In fact, I my greatest hope is that I have the courage of character to change my mind on important human issues when called upon. I didn’t change my mind, but I did come to my opinion quite like everyone else. I knew and loved people who are Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgendered and Questioning (GLBTQ).
In High School my best friend was bisexual. We didn’t talk about it openly much. But, I figured it out, despite my conservative religious upbringing and reputation for naiveté. We were best friends, after all, and we talked about religion, about our futures, about right and wrong, about what mattered most in life. We shared our pains and our struggles (most of them) over love and loss. I was curiously naive, though, I questioned … even in my spiritual journey I questioned “why?” all the time. I’m sure it drove my pastor crazy. “Because the Bible says so.” was never a good enough answer for me. It caused a lot of guilt and pain, but I kept struggling. God is bigger than our human existence, God is loving, God cares deeply for us and we should care deeply for others.
All of this led me to know in my heart … that God cares about people who are GLBTQ … their pain is often caused by the hostility of the church, by the shame that becomes internalized in them, by the anger that they cannot share the kind of relationship that is as fully committed in the eyes of the law and of God as heterosexual men and women can. That pain and the awesome possibilities is what God responds to. I saw pain and frustration and fullness and imagination in my good friend. And a few years later, I saw all of that in my own brother.
Loving someone, knowing their pain and frustrations, longing with them and seeing the world a little more from their perspective us what changes us. Seeing their goodness and knowing their beauty is all part of love. This kind of dramatic shift of opinion doesn’t come from academic studies or rational debates; it comes from relationships. It’s not something we decide to change, but it’s something that changes us. Love changes our mind.
In the late 1980’s I made the commitment to my brother that if he ever found a man to commit his life to, I would be willing to risk my career to perform that wedding. I meant it … and I mean it … I hope and pray that one day my “little” brother will be able to share the same fullness of love and commitment as I do with Dwayne. I will continually pray for wisdom and for rationality for our supreme court justices this week … but I also pray for love. Let them allow their love to change the law … just as it changes us.
For some clarity; Does this mean equality for everyone, no exception, no question, no limitations?
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Well when those in power searching for every vote demonize those who try to hold onto the morals they were raised by and the media elite constantly call you derogatory names because you hold on to those beliefs, it is no womder that more people say they support it. But I’d be willing to bet a dime to a dollar they really don’t believe it. Why else would it be that every time it is put to a popular vote, gay marraige is defeated and it takes activist judges to overturn the results.
@sam, what exactly are you asking?
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I am asking will this result in universal equality or will there be limitations? For example will Mormons be able to have multiple marriages, will the law against polygamy be removed, etc,?
With Jerry: Government of the people, for the people, but decided by the appointed!
Have you ever read Mark Achetemier’s thoughts about this? He is a professor who used to take a conservative viewpoint until he actually got to know a gay man, Scott Anderson, when they served together on a GA committee. He said that he discovered that Scott was a more devoted Christian than he was, and Mark was so inspired by him that he changed his mind. Mark did the sermon at Scott’s ordination/installation service. Yes, getting to know people and letting love into the heart changes minds.http://covnetpres.org/2011/10/ordination-sermon-for-scott-anderson/
Excuse my ignorance but why is not the same liberty to choose what they will, given to the unborn child about to be aborted? Does love change are minds on that issue or just selected ones?
@Jerry, there are reasons why votes of the people are skewed away from real public opinion … as are polls (which have a margin of error). And that’s probably another whole blog post. I did want to question the statement about holding on to the values we were raised with. I think we were all raised with ideas that we have since “reformed” as we grew older and thought things through. Faithful living is not necessarily holding on to those ideas, but testing them and evaluating them and then passing on what WE have come to believe and hold as truth.
@Sam … I do think that love changes our minds … when we get to know people. At this point the only polygamists I know, I know through the media … so I don’t trust my to really opinion on that enough to make a public statement, though there is clearly Biblical precedent for it. 🙂 The bottom line for me is we can’t legislate morality. Our governmental law needs to be about justice and the common good … Regarding the abortion debate … I do believe that love changes our minds. And relationship needs to be regarded in the decisions about abortion … but that, too, cannot be legislated. Instead we need to allow families to make the decisions they decide are best for all those they love.
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@Jerry I’m guessing your hatred of gays and gay marriage stems from the bible.
Funny thing about the bible, not enough people know all the verses before they go casting stones and breeding hatred based off of a few of verses they know.
Leviticus 19:19 ” Do not wear clothing woven from two different kinds of thread.” and yet in your profile picture you are wearing a BSA Uniform, which is A blend of 65% polyester, 25% rayon and 10% wool.
You sir are a sinner according to your own book.
And until you can start living by the rules of your own book you need to stop demanding that everyone else does.
@Ben Farmer – I don’t hate the sinner, I hate the sin. Even Jesus when he saved the prostitute from being stoned told her to go and sin no more.
Fair enough. You may not hate, but my other point still stands you ask people to follow rules of a of a book you yourself don’t even follow. When you read the bible literally then you don’t get to pick and choose. You are still in violation of Leviticus 19:19 admit it.
@Ben many Christians believe the Levitical law became outdated once Jesus died on the cross. Romans 6:14 states, “for shin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.” Romans 7:1-6 touches on this matter as well, but particularly verse 6…we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code. Also, I read Jerry’s comments several times, and not once did I think he was suggesting he hated gays or gay marriage; instead, I saw someone who just wants to hold on to the values he grew up with. By automatically assuming hatred, in a way you were adding fuel to his point about people “demonizing” those that want to hold on to these values.
Listen I said I was wrong about him hating gays, but these values he was brought up on stem from verses in the bible. 2 of the anti-gay verses often quoted are leviticus 20:13 and 18:22-24, so if Christians believe Levitical law is outdated then why do they quote them so often?
I do see your point that it’s hypocritical to quote something from a book that you believe to be outdated. I can’t defend those who do this, but I can tell you that the bible makes references about homosexuality in other books…1 Corinthians 6:9-10 for example.
True, but there are plenty of new testament verses that aren’t followed by most Christians. since we’re on the book of Corinthians how about Corinthians 14:34-35 “34 let the women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but let them be in subjection, as also saith the law.
35 And if they would learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home: for it is shameful for a woman to speak in the church.”
and if that one doesn’t work for you here is a site with a list of new testament verses that I know most Christians don’t follow: http://backyardskeptics.com/wordpress/new-testament-bible-verses-xtians-tend-to-ignore/
Hmm…that’s a tough one…don’t really have a rebuttal for that verse. The only thing I can think of is you’d have to consider the original audience that the book was intended for. Back in that day it was commonplace for women not speak in church. Frankly, they just weren’t considered equal back then. I know, I know, it’s a weak argument, and you could even turn that right back around at me…it’s all I got though. As far as the other verses, a lot of those were taken out of context.