I wish God spoke to me as clearly as God seems to speak to others. I pray, I listen, I read scripture, and I listen to trusted spiritual leaders. But I am constantly aware of the complexities of life and relationships. I don’t see black and white, I see shades of gray. I see God’s Truth as beyond our limited thinking … and that means our ideas and our understandings of that truth are ALWAYS distorted, blurred, limited, and shallow.
I am angry about that. I don’t want to be looking through a mirror dimly … I want to see God face to face. I want to know what Christ knows, I want to be certain that what I do is ALWAYS right. But I guess that’s what faith is … stepping out into dangerous waters and doing your best to keep your eyes on Jesus through the fog.
God doesn’t speak to me face to face, and even if I were to receive those direct words of wisdom I long for so much … as soon as I held on to them, they, too, would be distorted by the limitations of language itself. That’s why I can’t read the Bible literally … words are limited … the communication of an idea from one person to another is very difficult to portray through words alone. Those words are shared along with a relationship of past experiences, feelings, intuitions, facial and bodily expressions, and inflections. The Bible has to be experienced the same way … and the truths expressed there are often misinterpreted even as the words shared between intimate partners can be misinterpreted.
That’s why I belong to a church that hold high the motto … reformed and always being reformed. I was born questioning. My mother says I drove her craze as a toddler asking “How come?†about everything. And my mom and dad, to their credit, would always welcome my questions and answer them to the best of their ability.
I see homosexuality as being a “gray areaâ€. I have asked questions … and the biggest is “why?†Why would God consider love between people of the same sex as a slight against him? Why would expressing that love sexually be so dangerous to their souls? I don’t see it. I DO, however, see how the hostility, hatred, and judgementalism that is shown to GLBT people IS HARMFUL. I can see its destructiveness. I can see its evil. I can see lots of harm and destruction in sexual expression … but I see the same sin in both gay and straight relationships. Our sexuality itself is, in my opinion, morally neutral; how we express it … and the relationships that are hurt and encouraged by it … that’s where the goodness and evilness is discerned.
I realize, though, that I could be wrong. I wish … I only wish … that people who disagreed with my stance on homosexuality could only admit that they, too, could be wrong. Or does God really speak more clearly to them?
Wow! I’m glad it’s not just me. It’s difficult to go through life with people talking about God speaking to them all the time…most of the time I feel the same way as you do, with short moments of clarity when God hits me upside the head with something and says, “Hey! You down there; child of Mine! Listen, for the love of Me!”
Thanks for sticking yourself out there, Wendy. I love and appreciate you so much…and I know everyone else that doesn’t know you, and don’t know that you are doing this, do as well.
[…] There’s nothing wrong with believing, to the core of your being, that your convictions are right. In fact, that’s pretty much the definition of a conviction. But I think it the hight of hubris to be absolutely closed to the idea that those convictions might need to be altered at some point in time. I may be biased by the fact that this is my wife speaking, but I think that both sides of this debate could use a healthy dose of the humility and vulnerability shown by her post. […]
I agree that this is a gray area. I think the people who are still seeing it as a cut and dry issue have not taken the time to know and appreciate a GLBT person as a real person. I had that attitude until I worked in Montrose for 3 years with people who were HIV+ from all walks of life. I learned quickly that they were all people and shared the same hopes, fears and love of God that I do. In addition to that I had many heart to heart conversations with people who were outsiders because of the way God made them…..how can that be right? I have come to believe that this orientation is not a choice any more than I choose to be heterosexual or right handed. There is biological evidence to support this….differences in size of hypothalamus, prenatal exposure to abnormal levels of hormones, twin studies, for eexample. As one dear friend of mine pointed out, “Why would I choose to be abandoned by my family and my church and spend the rest of my life trying to mend what I never intended to tear?”
thanks for that!
Spoken like a true spiritual intelectual, a kindred spirit! It comforts me to know there are other analytical, freethinking spiritual christians in the world! It seems that our kind will never feel fully at ease with organised church, due to overwhelming social forces which controle it. We are few and far between. I would love to meet others of this same makeup. I know this sounds rather elitist, so be it. This does not mean that I am better, just more aware.
thanks, David
please get in touch if you can!
You asked “Why would God consider love between people of the same sex as a slight against him?” God does not consider love between people of the same sex a slight against him, God considers lust to be the slight. Love is from the heart and lust is from the flesh, A desire to have sex with is lust. God spoke to me once and Gods voice sounded like Thunder but not loud thunder but it was like the rumbling of the thunder I was hearing was Gods vocal cords and I was alone when I heard it. I think maybe you need to seek God alone because God wants a personal relationship with all of us, So when you pray pray alone and ask everything in Jesus name and I am sure that you will feel God in your heart guiding you as long as you keep it between you and God.
Take Care : Chip
God is God! Who is He? I AM! He IS God, not WAS God, not WILL BE GOD, He IS. So stop trying to figure out for yourself and ask HIM. If you don’t get an answer, then maybe He wants you to learn to wait… patience. Homosexuality is NOT a gray area, and the fact that you think that shows your ignorance to scriptural truth. READ your bible. It is the very word of God. As for Black and White, I have spoken with God. ONE TIME. A direct conversation for over an hour where the Lord spoke with me in “plain English” just as easily as I can speak to another human. HE chose to. When I asked why, He said it was “because it was the only way you would listen.” Don’t limit God. Don’t gray areas that are not gray, but black. Don’t distort the truth. Add nothing to what God says, and take nothing away from it. Don’t be lukewarm, or you will be spit out. Just rely on GOD, thats the POINT! RELY ON HIM! Come on, its really as simple as this….. faith. By faith… by faith…. the heroes of the Old Testament…. by faith. By FAITH. That means stopping trying to figure out everything, or have an answer to everything. If you don’t know, admit, Hey, idk, but HE does. Then turn to Him in His word, and prayer. And if you don’t get your answer, that means HE has not given it to you, or you are not listening, either way don’t go off and pretend to know it when you don’t. Your stance on homosexuality is WRONG. It is WRONG! God says so. In His WORD. There is no oh, your sin is okay this time b/c its love. God is a jealous, loving God, but jealous nonetheless. FIRST COMMANDMENT. Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, ALL your soul, ALL your strength, ALL your might. SECOND Love your neighbor as yourself. They are not reversed. If you love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, you would not do what He says not to do… MAN SHALL NOT LIE DOWN WITH MAN, WOMAN SHALL NOT LIE DOWN WITH WOMAN. It is WRONG. Why? The closer you walk with God, the more you can see why, but it boils down to this… b/c GOD SAYS IT IS. Take it in faith. Are you a god that you should question the Word of THE GOD?! You are nothing, except what the Lord has made you. So stop quibbling and crying over not being who you aren’t, namely the all wise person you want to be, knowing what to do in every instance, and turn to God, and the truth in His Word. If HE won’t speak to you, its probably that you won’t listen. But it could be that He doesn’t want to speak to you. If that is the case, will you take that as His answer, and take it to HIM?
William, I agree wholeheartedly with all you’ve said. We can’t box God into what we want Him to be, eg. “I THINK that God…” We need a reliable source to know God, and that is, I am convinced, the Bible. Thoughts are thoughts and nothing else. They can be true, false, misleading and misinformed. They are just thoughts. Let’s not do God the huge injustice of trying to “figure Him out”. He’s already told us all he wishes to, in his word. One thing though, brother (william) – i think you need to be aware of your tone. saying things like ‘So stop quibbling and crying over not being who you aren’t’ isn’t loving. I admire your passion, but I would suggest you are like a shepard to the sheep – all loving. God Bless
my last entry should have read “I suggest you are BE like a shepard to the sheep”